How To Practice Gratitude When the World is Falling Apart
It’s that time of year - we’re talking gratitude and thankfulness in this month’s blog. I had big plans to write a little fluff piece about my gratitude practices, but when I sat down to write this, I just couldn’t let myself pretend. Let’s be real. The world is falling apart.
Many families had delayed or non-existent food stamp benefits this month.
Many have been torn apart from their loved ones by the country that was supposed to protect them.
Many are job-less, doing their best to make ends meet.
This year we don’t have to look very far to see so many people suffering.
I imagine you’re sitting here thinking, “wow Joni, great way to start a gratitude blog!” But truthfully, it would be understandable if you’re having a difficult time finding things to be grateful for beyond your dog. While I think gratitude is a beautiful practice and even something I strive to do each day, I also recognize that if you, or the people around you, don’t have their basic needs met, gratitude may feel like a luxury.
Here’s the thing though: gratitude acts as a protectant against anxiety. Research shows that it is impossible to feel both grateful and anxious at the same time. They literally activate different pathways of our brains that cannot co-activate. Now, you may be thinking, “huh, but I am grateful and I still have anxiety.” That’s because the way we use the word “grateful” in our society isn’t exactly the truest form of gratitude. You see, gratitude is not some woo-woo practice that we exclusively participate in when we’re meditating. Gratitude takes deliberate action. It is actually a consistent and sturdy practice when done well. In short, gratitude is presence.
Are you feeling anxious about disconnection from a loved one? Go spend time with them. Engage with them in conversation and let yourself be fully present. Your anxiety will nearly stop.
Are you anxious about the state of the world? Go volunteer for a cause you're passionate about. Your anxiety will turn down significantly.
Feeling anxious about spending time with a certain family member at the holiday dinner table? Challenge yourself to have a plan of action with some boundaries in place and then show up and embody your best self. Be present. Enjoy the parts of the holiday that you do look forward to. Your anxiety will have no choice but to leave you alone.
Don’t get me wrong, gratitude journaling and meditations are wonderful practice (and I have an example of that below). But, gratitude is not just a practice we should be thinking about occasionally; it is an action that, when done consistently and well, has the power to exponentially improve our mental health.
There was a time in my life that I look back on as marked with very intense anxiety. In that season, it simply felt like nothing could go right. I was constantly feeling worried, which often came out as irritability. One day in the middle of this time, I decided to begin engaging in my life in a more authentic way again. I still remember the corner I was standing at when I had this lightbulb moment of how gratitude could serve me really well if I were to engage with it more actively. So, I did. I started simply by repeating to myself things I was grateful for. I would look for opportunities to be more present in my daily life. I began showing up in new and more intentional ways. You see, when we begin to use gratitude as a consistent way of life and not some hard to access magical way of thinking, we actually re-wire our brains away from anxiety and towards more presence.
This will most likely not happen over night, although starting right now will help a little. If you’d like, let’s take a moment right now while you’re reading this. I’d like for you to think about one thing that’s causing you a little anxiety. Let’s not start with our biggest stressor, but something more mid-level. I’m going to think about my kid who is coming down with a cold. We have a lot of plans this weekend and if he continues to not feel well, it would be a hassle and disappointing to cancel them. Ok, now that you have an idea of the level of stress we’re going for, let’s take a moment. While thinking about your anxiety, let’s take three big deep breaths…
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Ok, now let’s focus on something we’ve been feeling grateful about. I am feeling very grateful for a supportive partner, who helps every step of the way when our son is sick - and even took off work one day this week to hang out with him. Maybe for you it’s your car that takes you to work everyday or your cupboard full of groceries or your mom who comes to babysit when you need a break. It could be anything (including your dog!). Now, let’s take some deep breaths while we think about what we’re grateful for…
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One last step in this process now that we’ve helped our anxiety re-wire a bit towards gratitude (this is the part of gratitude that’s often forgotten about!). What can you do about that issue causing you a little bit of anxiety? For me, I know I can give the people we’re supposed to be seeing this weekend a heads up that we may need to be flexible about rain checking. I can also tell my partner I’m feeling anxious because I know I’ll feel better after we brainstorm together. In other words, we want our feeling of gratitude to move us toward action or as I like to call it, a lifestyle of gratitude. For you, maybe you can ask someone for help or re-arrange your schedule to give you some more breathing room or brainstorm with your partner (or therapist!) about possible solutions..
As little as it may seem, there is something you can do. Let’s start with some gratitude and let it become a way of life that ultimately draws us to action.